Stone Cold

I can't say I'm very familiar with the works of former NFL player Brian Bosworth. I know he drove drunk not too long ago, but then what actor hasn't now? Therefore it seemed about time to go take a look at his first attempt to conquer the world of action movies. 

It's a strange phenomenon when Hollywood tries to make a movie star out of some random athlete. They tried it with Dennis Rodman, Howie Long, of course Bosworth who we're here to talk about. Now the trend seems to be trying to make action stars out of WWE wrestlers, which has met with at least decent success in my book. I didn't mind The Condemned and The Marine was strangely awesome. 

Now like I said I really don't know a whole lot about Bosworth, but after my first look at him in this movie, I immediately judge everyone who helped make him popular. Sure it was the early nineties and this sort of thing was maybe more acceptable but my god! Bosworth's entrance into this movie is one of the most unintentional funny moments I've had in a movie in quite some time. He has this bizarre mullet thing going where all the makings of the mullet are there, but then the sides are shaved and....you know you pretty much just have to see it. 

Actually the opening scene is full of unintentional comedy. The whole scene takes place in a grocery store that's being robbed. One of the first things the robbers do (well one of them at least) is shoot the shit out of a shelf of Ritz Crackers. It doesn't even look like it's for the sake of mindless mayhem either. To me it looks like the robber turns towards those Ritz and intentionally destroys them. He doesn't even destroy any other food. I can't even think of one logical reason some robber would hate Ritz Crackers enough to destroy a whole shelf of them. Ritz are fucking delicious. Ever put cheese on them? God damn! There might be some sort of bizarre under current of Ritz prejudice, but the movie sadly doesn't deal with that.

Well that's certainly the most I've ever written about crackers in a movie so let's move on. It's not hard to see why Bosworth never really caught on as an action star. He's pretty bland overall. He handles the action ok, and granted the role doesn't call for a whole lot in terms of acting, but he's just not an engaging presence. The supporting cast does better with a few actual recognizable faces.

The movie is your standard plot about a cop going undercover in a biker gang and it hits all the story threads you're probably expecting. It actually is a little dull overall. There are some fun cheesy moments scattered here and there, but it's not a very good movie, even on that so bad it's good level. The last 10 or 15 minutes is pretty damn good though, and almost worth sitting through the rest of the movie for. It's a huge shootout/bike chase in a court house and it's pretty damn entertaining.

The first 5 minutes and the last 15 sort of make this movie worth watching. The whole middle though, not so much.

5.5/10