Masters of the Universe

Bought this one for 4 bucks last year and never watched it because well, it's pretty obvious it's going to be terrible. The Masters of the Universe toys kicked ass. One was just a skunk figure that smelled bad. That's fucking awesome. That to me shows that the toy company almost hated children. Either way making these toys into a decent movie should have been easy. Unless of course the crew is made up of blind people and lamps, which is what must have happened here.

This movie is just stupid. There really isn't much more to say about it than that. It's just really stupid. Not even 80's fun stupid, just painful to watch the whole thing stupid. It's cool to see Courtenay Cox at first, until you realize you don't really like Courtenay Cox. Dolph Lundgren is always awesome though, but he isn't even the focus here despite playing He-man, the main fucking character!! It's also kind of strange that Frank Langella, who plays Skeletor in the movie, is currently up for an Oscar for his performance as Richard Nixon is Frost/Nixon. Oh how far he has come.

The movie is seeped in 80's ness, even featuring a synthesizer in a huge plot element. It makes for a few unintentional laughs, but that's about it. Plus He-man uses a gun an awful for someone who is known for using a huge sword! This leads me to believe nobody involved in this movie had any idea what the toys even were. You could have called this movie "Polly Pocket Playtime Adventures" or "Dr. Dreadful Food Lab the Movie" and they would be just as connected to those toys. BAH!

5/10 for some unintentional laughs