3 Ninjas Knuckle Up

Yes that's right, I subjected myself to another one. The almost exact same story goes for this one as 3 Ninjas Kick Back. Knuckle Up came out in 1995, and I saw it in '95. I may have watched it twice during the rental period because well, I was a stupid child. After that I never saw it again, until now. Yet I knew everything that was going to happen. I knew the dialogue, even the way the lines would be said. It was kind of a terrifying phenomenon.

The first thing about this movie that's nice is that the kids from the original 3 Ninjas movies are back instead of those new ones from Kick Back. Unfortunately that wears off quick when you realize well, these kids aren't that much better than the other ones. They're familiar which is nice, but that doesn't make them any more tolerable. 

At this point the formula for these movies was pretty much set in stone. The 3 main characters fight bad guys who frankly shouldn't be allowed to leave the house, there is always 1 main bad guy and 3 henchmen who share one common stereotype and are stupider than any real human being could ever be. This one at least tries to do something different by tackling the subject of corrupt businessman trying to dump toxic waste on native american land. The best solution to this problem of course, is to have 3 10 years old just beat all the businessman up. Just like in real life!

The fights are as stupid as ever. The kids essentially graze their foot on someone and then they fly 50 feet through the god damn air. There are also way too many fights in this one, which seems strange but it's true. Every time a fight comes I imagine you're supposed to be excited. I just rolled my eyes and hammered the fast forward button.

Speaking of the fights, do all of the kids really need to yell out every single fucking time they hit somebody?! It's beyond annoying and once you notice it then it becomes all you can focus on! "EIYAH! EIYAH! EIYAH! EIYAH! EIYAH! EIYAH! EIYAH!" That word takes up at least 80% of the dialogue in the entire movie. It really makes you want the adult ninjas to win, but to just flat out slice these kids' faces off.

One moment that does stand out as being kind of funny is during a really stupid fight inside a pizza parlour, Colt and Tum Tum (wow I really hate actually typing out their names) have been kicking the shit out of ninjas for about 4 or 5 minutes. They aren't being subtle about it either. Tables are being smashed, shit is being thrown all over the place, people are screaming, it's absolute chaos! Anyway one of the ninjas falls behind Rocky, the third ninja, who has been playing a video game. He seems blown away there is a fight going on. How wrapped up in that game was he? This is the kid beating up dozens of grown adult and yet he isn't perceptive enough to realize there's a full out ninja war going on 2 feet away from him. Wow kid...wow.

I know it's a kid's movie and it's a little unfair of me to judge it but still. This one does hold a little more nostalgic value than Kick Back did, but the movie itself is actually kind of boring, which is the last thing I expected. Not even containing enough stupid moments to make the movie sort of enjoyable, it's really just bad. Decent points for some memories attached to it, but that's about it.

4/10