Friday the 13th (2009)

Seriously who comes into this movie expecting genius filmmaking?! I've read so many people commenting that it's nothing but stupid people saying stupid things and then getting killed. Well....YEA! This movie is called "Friday the 13th"! Not "A Friday the 13th Dinner at Reginald's" or some shit! It's not high art, it's just pure fun! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

So anyway now that that's out of my system let's move on to the actual movie. We've established I'm biased towards these movies so it's pretty obvious what my thoughts are going to be. This movie is exactly what I wanted it to be. As I mentioned there is no real story, the dialogue is quite awful, and none of the characters are even slightly developed. But nobody cares about that right? 

All anyone wants to know is, does Jason fuck shit up? Oh yes, Jason gives shit a thorough fucking. If at any point you see shit that doesn't appear to be getting fucked, chances are seconds later Jason will show up to give that shit it's fuck. And so concludes the strangest paragraph I've ever written.

In less creepy words, if you're looking for 90 minutes of brutal murders and pure badass-ness, you won't be disappointed. Some of the deaths are a little bit of a letdown but some are fantastic. It was a great crowd too, applauding after every single one of them. 

Derek Mears makes a great Jason and really brings a lot to a role that really requires a lot more than most people probably think. His Jason is threatening in ways Jason hasn't really been up until this point. He not only runs, he full on sprints after victims. And he's pissed, oh lord is he ever pissed in this one. Plus he even just strikes badass poses when nobody is looking, just cuz he knows he can.

The characters are all completely one dimensional but there are little more than slabs of meat waiting to be murdered, so who cares. It makes it even more exciting though because you pretty much cant wait for them to get it in the worst way possible.

That's basically all you need to know about this movie. Fans of the series should enjoy it for sure. It doesn't do much differently from the other movies, but it's damn, DAMN, entertaining. I loved the hell out of it and personally can't wait for the inevitable sequel, which will be the 13th movie for the record. Now that shit is going to be epic.

8.5/10

On a side note, the couple in front of us talked to each other non-stop during the whole movie. There is only so much they could have been saying that was related to the movie, so what the hell were they talking about the rest of the time?! "Hey a cabin. Remember that time we saw that cabin? If we ever bought a cabin, I'd want to have a deer head on the wall. Ever eaten deer? Snowmobiling is fun." I seriously should have just asked them because it's driving me insane wondering.