Teen Witch

Remember if my review of Karate Kid when I talked about how it didn't fall victim to the 80's movie trap? Of course you do loyal followers, you probably have all of these reviews memorized. How silly of me. Anyway, here is a movie that managed to do the exact opposite and is so absolutely 80's that's almost sickening.

Before I even continue, if you haven't seen the Top That clip from this movie go to YouTube and watch it immediatly. Go on, I'll even wait for you to get back.
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Wasn't that the fucking silliest most awesome thing you've ever seen?!

Sadly nothing else in this movie "tops that". That scene is hands down one of the most ridiculous things I've ever witnessed in life. Seriously, during filming how did not one crew member step forward and say "um this is the stupidest fucking thing ever. maybe this shouldn't happen." Is that what teens did in the 80's? Maybe I'm in the wrong here, who knows. Either way, I want to have sex with this scene.

There are some pretty ridiculous things in this movie and the whole thing is so far from reality it's absurd, even for an 80's movie. Most teen movies from the decade were far fetched. In Ferris Bueller, no human could ever do that many things in the span of an afternoon. And why is there a full blown, likely very expensive parade going on in the middle of a workday afternoon?! That's pretty silly, but at no point during that movie did Ferris or Cameron don muscle shirts and goofy pants and rap about topping that. This movies takes 80's-ness to levels I've rarely seen a movie go.

Is it entertaining? Well that depends. Are you with a group of friends with a variety of liquors available? Then yes, it is entertaining. Are you alone looking for a quality movie to watch? No, it is not entertaining. The whole time you will just be wishing there was someone there to make fun of this movie with. It will make the entire thing even more depressing than it already is.

This movie even pulls a Shark in Venice on us and leaves a whole bunch of plot threads loose at the end. When this movie ends, the main girl is: fighting with her best friend, not happy with her newfound magical powers, worshipped by the whole school who has been put under a spell, and generally not very happy. But she gets the guy...so yay? I guess that's all that's supposed to matter in the end. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since the movie also contains a musical number where girls dance around singing about how they like boys. Women should actually be angry with this movie. It really depicts them as shallow, shallow human beings.

If you want to laugh your ass off and enjoy some 80's movie cheese, I offhand can't think of a better one than this one. It actually makes it difficult to rate since the quality depends on your viewing situation, so I'll have to do it like this.

Watching it alone = 4/10

Watching it with friends and tearing it apart = 9/10