Feast 3: The Happy Finish

Here's another trilogy that I can't believe actually exists. The first Feast was fun, but it didn't need one sequel let alone two within a couple of months. There is barely enough story to justify one movie, let alone 3. That's never more apparent than it is in this movie. They must have just been obligated to make this one and the 2nd at the same time, but this movie really felt as if the filmmakers just went "fuck it" and completely gave up.

I liked the first movie, and managed to get a little enjoyment out of the 2nd, but I think it was only because I was watching it on Christmas Eve. The 3rd one mostly just bored me and I ended up fast forwarding through some pretty big chunks of it because I just really didn't care. Even at 70 minutes the movie tends to drag. 

I remember the 2nd movie I felt went too far with the gross out humour. It felt like they were trying way too hard and none of it really came off as funny, just desperate. This one takes that even further. Want an example? Of course you do. Within minutes of the movie starting, one of the creatures severs a woman's head, eats it, and then shits it out. We even get to see a close-up of every single one of these acts. Close-ups that last a really long time in some cases. Hooray?

The gore is still a-plenty but its all run its course by this point. It's not shocking at all. The movie is just trying so hard to shock you that you just want to pat it on the head, tell it nice try, and then tell it to fuck off and leave you alone. 

This movie may contain the stupidest ending I've ever seen. Top 10 for sure. They were obviously going for one of those moments that's so random it's hilarious, but in this case it's so random its rage inducing. To put it bluntly, with this ending the crew basically is saying a huge fuck you to the fans of the Feast movies. It's not funny, it's insulting. It's a giant middle finger to anyone who has watched all the movies up until this point. I piss on you Feast crew, I piss on your faces.

Even the die hard Feast fans (that means you guys who made Feast) shouldn't bother with this one. It's a weak ending to a pretty stupid series of movies. I wouldn't be at all surprised though if Feast 4 was on it's way down the pipe. So coming Winter 2009, Feast IV: Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck you

3.5/10