There is only one question one can ask about the existence of a new Street Fighter movie…why? Why are they bothering to make another Street Fighter movie? Why is it just focusing on Chun-Li? Why haven’t I seen any advertisements for it? Why isn’t it opening in very many theatres? Well the answers to those questions are as follows: To punish us, beats the hell out of me, because nobody can possibly be proud of this, and so the producers can hide their shame.
It really shouldn’t be that hard to make a good Street Fighter movie. At least it shouldn’t be hard to make a better one than the last attempt at it with Van-Damme. You could show us footage of people playing the games for 90 minutes and it would be a better movie. Yet somehow, they have made maybe not a worse movie, but one that is at least equally as bad.
The story of course focuses on Chun-Li (Kristen Kreuk) and well, her legend. This legend tells the harrowing and epic tale of how Chun-Li wandered aimlessly around various cities, looking at things. Seriously that’s basically the first half of the movie. Things don’t really pick-up until she is eventually trained by none other…than Liu Kang!! Well OK it’s actually just Robin Shou who played Liu Kang in the Mortal Kombat movies. However the movie becomes a lot more fun if you pretend you’re watching Liu Kang train Chun-Li. Actually that’s a great analogy of the movie as a whole, you have to trick yourself into thinking you’re enjoying it.
There really isn’t a whole lot to the story. Chun-Li is after Bison (Neil McDonough) who took her father away from her when she was a child. He and his associate Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan) are heading an evil scheme to well, buy up real estate. Seriously why is that every villain’s plan these days? Anyway, Chun-Li is also helped in this quest by two Interpol agents, Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood) and Charlie Nash (Chris Klein, oh don’t worry we’ll get to him). Along the way she encounters a wide assortment of Street Fighter characters such as Vega and….ummmm….nope that’s actually it. Wonderful.
The acting in this movie ranges from adequate, to poor, to just laughable. Kristen Kreuk isn’t nearly as bad in the lead role as I was expecting. She tends to over-dramatize a few moments and isn’t entirely convincing as the badass the movie wants us to think she is, but she is ok. In fact her and Michael Clarke Duncan, who really has very little to do here, fare the best out of everybody.
Neil McDonough brings a bizarre touch to his character, choosing to talk in a spotty Irish accent for the entire movie. That would make sense if he was raised in Ireland, but he wasn’t! The movie makes it clear that he was raised in Bangkok from when he was a baby! So why the accent? I know absolutely nothing about genetics, but I do know that doesn’t make one lick of sense.
However nothing can prepare you for the epic disaster that is Chris Klein. I simply can’t accept that he was genuinely trying to portray a realistic character here. How could he possibly have looked at the dailies for this movie and thought “My GOD I am so badass!!” He tries so hard to play a tough cop that it is impossible not to laugh and point at him. It’s as though he believed all cops just talk in a raspy voice and squint, so he just ran with that. It’s incredible. Think Nicholas Cage in the Wicker Man bad and you have kind of an idea of what I’m talking about here. He alone almost makes it worth watching this movie.
You could probably forgive the lackluster story and poor acting if at least the fighting was good. It is a Street Fighter movie after all, that’s really what matters. Unfortunately we don’t even have that to fall back on. First of all there really aren’t even many fights in the movie. When we do get one, it’s over before we have time to register it’s happening. Plus it’s all just wirework that would have seemed dated years ago, so now it’s just painfully boring.
Chun-Li’s fight against Vega is particularly disappointing. The whole movie seems to be building up to it, plus Vega himself has potential for awesomeness. However the fight itself is so lame and anti-climatic, my jaw actually dropped. It was almost like the movie was giving me the finger. When the fighting in a Street Fighter movie is bad, then what’s the point?
If there was ever any hope for a good Street Fighter movie, this one smashes it over the head, stomps on its throat and then breaks its neck. The worst part is that this movie ends with a blatant set-up for a sequel. Why is that bad? Because the premise they set up should have been this movie in the first place! It could make a great movie but of course now we’re never going to see it because they decided to release this one first instead.
Definitely don’t pay money for this movie. Don’t go see it in theatres, don’t rent it. Just wait for it to come on TV, grab some friends, and have a few laughs at the movie (and especially Chris Klein’s) expense.
3/10
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